Victory
Couldn’t see.
Couldn’t move.
Paraplegic.
She kissed my body,
my clothes removed themselves,
he hummed “Crooked Teeth” while I cried silently
like I was at my own funeral,
wondering what I could have been,
how much time this was going to take.
She was going to be a writer, my mother would
hyperventilate, being the DJ to my death disco.
She was such a good girl, my dad would say,
not knowing that good
daughters don’t have threesomes.
I didn’t put up much of a fight,
just a few slurred Don’ts’, but don’t doesn’t mean won’t.
And I did, I really did.
I let them have their way with me like I was Thanksgiving dinner,
sweating turkey, panting gravy,
something that everyone could have a piece of.
I stared at the ceiling, 347 stars on one tile.
I couldn’t get my dad’s voice out of my head.
She was such a good girl.
I was such a good girl,
I am a good girl.
Jawed Decay
The happy days ended for you with your diagnosis
or maybe they ended years ago when your trailer
in St. Augustine burnt down,
when you had a kid and got married,
or when you started chewing the tobacco
that fast tracked you into chemo.
Remember how you pushed me into an ant hill
and my brother had to kick your ass?
You came over with purple eyes apologizing
for the bites,
bites that resembled the beginning stages
of the cancer spreading through your jaw.
If I had known then about your disease
I would have warned against using your jaw so much.
You could’ve saved it for more meaningful
conversations between you and your wife,
you and your baby daughter.
The happy days ended when you went
to the trusted family doctor who said you were fine,
he said there was nothing wrong with your jaw,
didn’t caution you to stop chewing
or quit smoking,
to go home instead of drive back to work,
or tell you that cancer is the leading killer of Americans
next to heart disease and stroke.
You carried on like any normal hypochondriac
for months before there was clearly something wrong
then you died in a hospital watching Happy Days,
wondering if you could have prevented this years ago
when you pushed me into that ant hill,
when you learned what sarcasm was,
when you started chewing.
